The Sunday before last: John John was a week home from the hospital. Home life had been resembling somewhat of a shit storm (sibling rivalry was large). It was midday and both the children slept, and I took the opportunity to contemplate the new moon that was two days prior. I went outside and managed to arrange an impromptu altar with a rose quartz crystal, a candle, oracle cards and some closed eyes. It was heaven.
I pulled a card: Be The Hunter Not the Hunted (Sacred Rebels Oracle, Alana Fairchild)
The crux of the message: Don’t let the needs of others get in the way of your own journey and self-care. This message was so relevant, so needed at that time, so needed EVERY DAY as a mother. When Evie was born I lost myself for months, understandably. She was so new, I was anxious. I didn’t even use a day planner or make any to do lists for half a year. Her priorities and needs were number one of course, the rest of the world, including me could wait. That was my choice.
With John John things are much quieter. I’m taking the new baby in my stride. My to do’s are getting done. My day planner utilised. I’ve got this. I’m inspired.
I see opportunity to create and contribute. Self-expression and indulgence seem possible whereas with Evie it was almost unimaginable. As a first time mother I was shocked at the lack of time I had to myself. It took a while to adjust.
In contrast, now I accept that there is no time. I haven’t meditated since I gave birth and I’m totally ok with that. In accepting this situation of mothering two very young children means accepting their constant needs, interruptions and interaction. And in amidst this unrelenting noise and whirlwind of childcare the moments of peace and space to myself become more noticeable when they arise.
So I commit to staying present and enjoy these freedoms when they come up. To remembering who I am by doing stuff I love, reading stuff I like and grooming myself to a standard that makes me feel good. By asking for help when I need it and offering help when I can give it. Yeah mummy-hood, bring it on.
And when it gets really hard, I try to remember: With the biggest challenges comes the opportunity for the biggest lessons and potential for incredible growth both spiritually and creatively. Phew.